I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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