so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
