I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
