you traded sex for a burrito?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
