If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My pussy is not your playground.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
