You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
