i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
