I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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