Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
