You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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