it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize