12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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