He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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