The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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