Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
