How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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