Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
