Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
