her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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