now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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