i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
