He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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