I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
