I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize