you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
