Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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