that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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