I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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