I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
