batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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