Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
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