I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
