Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
