I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Acid is not a monday night drug
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
