alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
