Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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