I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize