Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
