I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
