At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
