ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
