Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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