I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
