Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize