My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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