How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
