Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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