So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
