if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
