Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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