Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
