Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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