i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
