Me. At least after what I've been through.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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