Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
