2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
