I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize