your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
