OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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