Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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