eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
