His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize