Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
